Officially Not Fat
“Who ate none of the pies
Who ate none of the pies…..”
Ealier this year I visit the Doctor about (amongst other things, I am a massive hypochondriac) a vague feeling that I was starting to get a little fleshy. I had just seen some holiday snaps form when me and my brother went to see the olds in Portugal and frankly it was hard to pretend that I wasn’t well, frankly, a bloater. I am a vain, vain man who really likes few things more than gazing lovingly into my own eyes in the mirror so in truth I had rather been aware of this for a while, clearly retaining some cognitive dissonance that allowed me to recognise it was truth, but act as if it wasn’t, the pictures though somewhat snapped me out of it.
The Doc decided that I had not had any blood work done for about 10 years so sent me of for amongst other things a cholesterol test. I got the results a little over 6 months ago. When I went in for the results the Doc made what I had initially assumed to be small talk, he knows I am a Trade Union rep and often talks to me about political issues and struck up a conversation about the looming pensions dispute for public sector workers. He casually asked me if I paid into the Royal Mail pension scheme. I replied that I did, and the Doc looked at his screen and tapped away for a second….
He then looked at me and said (with to be fair a mischievous grin on his face, the Doc knows me well) “Really Ralph, unless you do something about this weight situation there really isn’t much point. You’d be better off enjoying your money now”. Or words to that effect.
Yup, Oh! was about the some total of my reaction. As it turns out it wasn’t all that bad news the Doc realising that for an attention seeking melodramatic fellah like myself the best avenue was to go for a big showy entry. Turns out my Cholesterol was 5.9, when they advise you to be under 5. So nothing dangerous in my numbers; but combined with a bit of a history of bum tickers in my male genealogy, and the fact that despite being pretty short my weight had crept up to 14st 4 I was looking at a cocktail that probably wouldn’t be all that conducive to a long and healthy life. Also I was finding it increasingly hard to find trousers that would fit someone with my combination of fat belly and short legs.
So for once I couldn’t ignore all of this and set to trying to deal with the situation. And instead of just going on a stupid rash diet like I had done in the past I decided to actually, you know, change my living habits to a bit more of a healthy way of doing things. Being a pretty nifty cook I quickly found that rather than being a massive chore, trying to eat more healthily was fun. Experimenting with food, and trying out different things meant I was actually eating loads nicer food that I had been, well, at any time since I left home TBH.
And I decided I would be good, but not puritanical. My Saturday morning Bacon buttie was sacrosanct (Though I did accept the need to trim the fat and grill rather than fry). And I decided that if I ever got a massive, massive craving for something I was just going to have it and be good afterwards. So I have had a couple of takeaway pizzas and that. But mostly I have been sensible and disciplined in a way I wasn’t really sure I could.
Today I went back to the Docs to get my after 6 month follow up results. And the good news is my Cholesterol is now down to 4.2, and as of today I weigh only 11st 7! (That is 161lbs to any American readers, 73 Kilos to those from the civilised world and Middleweight to fight fans!). I am wearing a medium T-Shirt and got some 32″ waist jeans. To say I am highly delighted is an understatement. And, I am now officially “not fat”. This works out to a BMI of 24.5, so I am just, just, within “normal” tolerances. Woo-hoo! And, if that wasn’t good news enough the Doc also mentioned my Liver and Kidney function was exceptionally good! This, as I understand it means I have a green light to drink as much as I bloody well like over Christmas! Hell yeah!
The Doc says he would still like me to get the Cholesterol down a little further, saying I should aim to be about 4 or just under, and that I should aim to lose another half stone or so (I wouldn’t mind being a Welterweight, watch out Floyd Mayweather Jnr here I come 😉 !) but I am nearly there. I don’t know of how much interest this blog will really be to anyone else but for me it felt good to get this down in writing. Additionally I am hoping that having so publicly crowed about this it will help motivate me to get back on the wagon if I slip up and go on a Partridge-esque Toblerone binge.
Right I’m off to raid the cupboard for some Riveta and Celery!