I have been off work this week. Whilst off, horror of horrors, my Xbox has been broken. This has meant I have watched far more than my annual allowance of daytime TV.
As I almost invariably do, I have come to the conclusion that the thing I hate most on this earth is annoying TV adverts. And being pretty bored of sitting around doing nothing I thought I would blog about this. Now apologies to Charlie Brooker, as this is clearly a massive rip of of his “10 Biggest Cocks in Advertising” shtick….
But oh well…
Before I start with my reverse order top five I need to make it clear that my arbitrary rules for this blog is that I have to have seen the advert myself this week…. There are plenty of awful ads on telly at the moment that I hate that are not in this list, mainly because I just have not seen them!
A couple of honourable mentions of god awful ads that did not make my top five. Firstly the “Snuggy” advert from JML I mean almost all JML adverts suck but this one was particularly amusing. I have been getting increasingly annoyed at all the “Payment Protection Insurance” ads, deary me people read the effing small print…. Lastly the “Nation of Why Not” adverts for Royal Caribbean cruises.
But after these honourable mentions onto the main course!
5: Go Compare.
I hesitate even to link to this god awful annoying advert. I hate this in just about every way. Firstly because it is not even saying anything about the product just a loud way of screaming “WE EXIST, WE EXIST”. I like adverts to at least patronise me by trying to let me know why their product is the best.
Secondly it has the “cardinal sin” in an awful advert, a catchy ear worm tune that means I end up humming the bloody song… grrr…
Still this is a pretty easy target I suppose…. onward!
4: Gillette Fusion: Blade changing Advert.
Now this ad has one of my pet hates in TV advertising, namely that it was originally recorded for another territory and now has the voices dubbed into “local ones” (The link is to the US original mind, which also seems dubbed?). I already have my back up before the ad event gets into its swing…
And there is just something I hate about it all. For a start the bloke in the advert has a vintage “Gillette Advert PunchMe Face™” how that bloke goes through his day with out getting sparked out every two minutes I just don’t know….
But the main thing is just the overwhelming sense of smugness that pervades the whole advert. Clearly the people who came up with this felt they had come up with a superb idea. That smug sense of self satisfaction seeps out of every pore of this damnable TV pollution.
3: Pepsi Max: Fake Meteorite Advert.
Now to start with I think the whole premise of the Pepsi Max Meteorite advert is pretty repellent. Basically the premise is lie to convince a woman she is about to die in order to score. This is presented as an uber cool “blokey” result, for my 2cents it is pretty creepy and exploitative.
I guess this is also my second reason for hating the advert, I mean the whole idea that blokes together act up and drink Pepsi… what a joke. And the characters in the advert are so fundamentally un-likeable (even worse the the “You know who your mates are” Carling adverts.).
The single worst thing about this is that I drink Pepsi Max…. It makes me sick to the stomach that I in some way contribute to this product being advertised. Worse still that Pepsi consider me their target audience and think that this is what I will like…. what does that say about the Psyche of young men a bit worried about being porky????
2: The Redknapp’s Thomas Cook Advert.
Now without wanting to use up the vitriol and bile I am saving for number one I have say in any sane world theRedknapp’s “Thomas Cook” advert would be an absolute shoe in for the most annoying advert on telly….
Amazingly, at least for my money, it isn’t. But sweet jumping Jaysus it is close. Right so I get it “Sun, Sea, Sand and Sex!” is what you expect from a holiday. Now clearly Thomas Cook clearly want to try and suggest in every line of hammy dialogue that even if they cannot mention it directly then Sex is exactly what they are talking about.
They obviously felt in getting a good looking celebrity couple. That they could get a sexy advert easily. But for me the whole thing is just awful. It is like listening to your grandparents allude to their sex lives…. shudder…
Next is the ridiculous conceit that multi millionaire celebrities would go on a package holiday (yes I know this is how all endorsements work). I mean it is just such a joke, even if they did why would the Redknapps being somewhere make me want to go?
I don’t understand why holiday adverts don’t just show footage of soul destroying offices, drizzly weather and a packed Underground train. Then at the end flash up “Why not go on holiday?” a picture of a beach and the website address. They way to sell a holiday is surely to remind people why they need one not tell them what they already know, it is nice being somewhere warm!
So pop pickas! That brings us down to business and the most irritating, awful, soul destroying advert I have seen this week (if not ever) is……
1: Just or Men Job Interview.
I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT.
Hmmmmm…. perhaps I should be little more constructive in my criticism. Well for starts the “Just For Men Job Interview” is in contention for the worst thing that has ever existed in the entire universe ever contest not just my most annoying advert of the week. It also has some serious competition form it’s predecessor the “Daddy’s Girls” one with the nauseating line “You’d make a really great catch for someone”.
But amazingly JFM have managed to outdo themselves with this one. To start with it is dubbed from America, and as I have already covered in the Gillette advert that is a big no,no if you ask me. And on the Gillette advert they might want to consider a case for trademark infringement because JFT are liberally using the “Gillette Advert PunchMe Face™” totally out of context!.
Sweet Jaysus the podgy girl in the advert is revolting. I must say I can see why the poor bloke has gone grey. Where do the JFM advertising executives find these awful people for their adverts? I find it hard to rationally discuss the merits of why this advert is bad, like trying to discuss if Hitler was bad….
In fact just in writing this bit of the blog I have got my blood up! So I had better wrap things up.
So any thoughts? Any ideas? Have I got this wrong or right!
And to finish I will leave you with some advert hating form the true master!